How not to use information on your customers

A light hearted look at how not to use the information you have on your customers

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your order?"

Customer: "Hello, can I order a..."

Operator: "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, sir?"

Customer: "It's eh... hold on...6102049998-45-54610".

Operator: "OK... you're Mr. Sheehan and you're calling from 17 Meadow Drive. Your home number is 494-2366, your office 745-2302 and your mobile is 266-2566. Would you like to have the delivery made to 17 Meadow Drive?

Customer: "Yes, but how did you get all my phone numbers?"

Operator: "We are connected to the system, sir".

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza?

Operator: "That's not a good idea, sir".

Customer: "How come?"

Operator: "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, sir".

Customer: "What? What do you recommend then?".

Operator: "Try our Low Fat Soybean Yoghurt Pizza. You'll like it".

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator: "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Soybean Yoghurt Dishes" from the National Library last week, sir".

Customer: "OK, I give up... give me three family sized ones then, how much will that cost?

Operator: "That should be enough for your family of 10, sir. The total is $49.99.

Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"

Operator: "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you're owing your bank $3720.55 since October last year." And that's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, sir."

Customer: "I guess I'll run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives."

Operator: "You can't do that, sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today".

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator: "About 45 minutes, sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..."

Customer: " What the??"

Operator: "According to the details in system, you own a Harley, registration number E1123..."

Customer: "@#%/$@&?#".

Operator: "Better watch your language, sir. Remember on July 15, 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language to a policeman...

Customer: (Speechless).

Operator: "Is there anything else, sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... by the way... are you giving me the three free bottles of Pepsi as advertised?"

Operator: "We normally would, sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic."

CLICK.